I talk on the radio. Sometimes the things I say are funny, but mostly not. I'm shockingly good at the "blankity blank" questions on Scene It. Seriously. I'm like Jordan in his prime. You won't beat me.

I went to Illinois State University and graduated in 5 years. It would've taken me 4, but it turns out that laying on your couch watching NYPD Blue reruns instead of going to class isn't a great idea. I get no cell phone reception in my office. As far as you know. I think barbecue sauce and ranch dressing are the two greatest sauces known to man. However when combined, not so good. I'm hungry now. And thirsty. Not sure if that's related to thinking about the sauces, but I'm pretty sure it is.

I hate winter but I like living in Illinois so my hope is that when this rumored "Big One" earthquake breaks California off in to the ocean, we can just move Illinois to their old spot so I can be warm all year. I believe that everything works exactly like my version of that thing works. So if your dryer is different from mine and operates in an entirely different way, it will be more mind blowing to me than if an alien landed on my front lawn and delivered me a pizza made from peanut butter M&M's. I think that Justin Bieber actually owns Twitter but no one knows it. I consider Ryan Seacrest my nemesis. I stopped actually paying attention to what I'm typing after the line about Scene It.